I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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