I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
