i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
