Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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