we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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