Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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