I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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