I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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