I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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