Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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