I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize