I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
