so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
