he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
