I love black thongs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
