never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize