just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
