If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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