I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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