so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
