pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
