do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
