Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
