woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
