also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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