i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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