I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
