I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
