Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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