I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
