So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
