After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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