I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
