Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
