sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
