in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
