well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
