I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
