My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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