I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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