If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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