Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
