He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
