You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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