I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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