I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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