planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize