if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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