A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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