I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
