So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
