oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
