I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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