very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize