His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
