DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
