I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
