What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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