Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize