I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
