i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
