I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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