I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
