My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
