Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
