my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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