I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
